A maths paper like never before..
Yesterday I sat for the last math paper of my entire life. Little did I know it would also turn out to be the worst math paper of my entire life. )= By the end of the paper, I knew my hopes for a first class in my second year were reduced to ashes, and that's not me being pessimistic - it's me being realistic. Maths carries the bulk of the examination marks - almost a quarter of the whole examination with five other papers. And I was banking on Maths to pull up my overall percentage so that I might just scrape by with a borderline first class overall. But no. )= If anything, at least the blow was softened by the fact that everyone else thought it was the killer too, (misery loves company? No lah... I'm not that selfish) meaning it wasn't just me not performing up to standards, and that the paper WAS indeed a killer. Unless a miracle happens and they scale the marks soooo significantly that I somehow manage to get well above 60% for this math paper, I can kiss my hopes of a first-class goodbye...
In all this, I have but one consolation: I know I did my best, and I'm not regretting or blaming myself for not working hard enough. Because I did. I think I would have been less upset if it wasn't because I was looking to Maths to help me redeem the first-class that I missed last year. But really, all I can do now is to continue working harder for the remaining papers, and pray for a miracle to happen.
Or maybe I shouldn't place so much importance on getting a first class, some of you might be thinking. Not if you knew how I underperformed last year and how much I want to 'redeem' myself by getting that first class this year, not just for myself but to be really honest, for my parents too... although they aren't really putting pressure on me in that way. And almost everyone (i.e. the Malaysians in my course) got a first class last year... Only last night did I find out that some people think anything below 65% is considered 'bad for Malaysian standards'. Harsh, but true.
And to think just last Sunday at church the international evangelist William 'Gypsy' Lee preached an entire sermon on miracles, and said something which hit home rightaway: "it is one thing to believe in miracles, and another thing altogether to expect miracles".
Am I to expect a miracle? How? And why? Why do I even deserve a miracle? Deep in my heart I know I believe God is a miracle-maker, but dare I also say that I believe with all my heart that I have a share in all these miracles? Just like how you don't expect extraordinarily bad things to happen to you - for example being zapped by lightning and dying on the spot - you also don't expect extraordinarily good things to happen to you. Or maybe that's just me.... Are miracles for me?
In all this, I have but one consolation: I know I did my best, and I'm not regretting or blaming myself for not working hard enough. Because I did. I think I would have been less upset if it wasn't because I was looking to Maths to help me redeem the first-class that I missed last year. But really, all I can do now is to continue working harder for the remaining papers, and pray for a miracle to happen.
Or maybe I shouldn't place so much importance on getting a first class, some of you might be thinking. Not if you knew how I underperformed last year and how much I want to 'redeem' myself by getting that first class this year, not just for myself but to be really honest, for my parents too... although they aren't really putting pressure on me in that way. And almost everyone (i.e. the Malaysians in my course) got a first class last year... Only last night did I find out that some people think anything below 65% is considered 'bad for Malaysian standards'. Harsh, but true.
And to think just last Sunday at church the international evangelist William 'Gypsy' Lee preached an entire sermon on miracles, and said something which hit home rightaway: "it is one thing to believe in miracles, and another thing altogether to expect miracles".
Am I to expect a miracle? How? And why? Why do I even deserve a miracle? Deep in my heart I know I believe God is a miracle-maker, but dare I also say that I believe with all my heart that I have a share in all these miracles? Just like how you don't expect extraordinarily bad things to happen to you - for example being zapped by lightning and dying on the spot - you also don't expect extraordinarily good things to happen to you. Or maybe that's just me.... Are miracles for me?
Labels: God, gripes, imperialcollege, thinkingoutloud
posted by may at 5:56 PM
6 Comments:
sigh..maths was indeed a killer
hoho..so i am good for malaysian standards since i got 65.8 last year...woohoo! thumbs up
of course! woohoo! *thumbs up* hahaha. but anyway, i wasn't the one who made that comment... i think below 60 maybe is "bad for msian standards", but not below 65. but then again it's imperial college lah... lol.
um um um ... just expect God to give you His best lah. i think, with what little faith i have.. i'd safely say God will give His best to you. the best that He in His wisdom and generosity will give to you. =)
'cos like.. He might use miracles, and then again He might not. But it's His character that never changes - He'll always give you His best. *wink*
you'll be fine ma dear ;)
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