Idle, once again
Since I can't bring myself to study tonight, I might as well blog. My two weeks of exams have only just begun, I don't know why I'm so lepak already. Lazy, slothful, procrastinating, complacent.... I don't even really have any right to feel complacent cos it's not like I aced my Maths papers yesterday and the day before.... ahh well.
I've been reading blogs the whole day.... friends' blogs, strangers' blogs, 'celebrity' blogs (as in the BLOGS themselves are the celebrity, not the blogger), blogs I never even knew existed... Came across a blog that was particularly personal and seemed very private. While I was reading it, it struck me that I might be infringing upon someone else's privacy cos it was obvious that the blog was an (the only?) avenue for him to express himself and vent his emotions and conflicts within him and thus, was very introspective and soul-baring. On the other hand, I feel that this blog of mine is getting too impersonal. Is it because I'm aware of the fact that my blogder circle is growing and am afraid to expose too much of my wretched, weak self? Because I want to appear somewhat glamorous and witty and smart and oh-so-interestingly-COOL? I tend to be quite selective about what I write in my blog, and always ask myself what people would think of me after reading what I am about to write. For a moment I really envied some of my friends who don't hesitate to just 'let it all out' on their blogs as if no one was reading - but I couldn't bring myself to do that! "Pride", I hear you say. Perhaps.
I guess I could keep a diary or something if I really needed to write down things that were bothering me, and my deepest darkest secrets - but part of the fun in blogging is in being able to be wonderfully subtle and vague about things, so as to not let everyone in COMPLETELY on what's going on in your life, and at the same still be able to tell the world about it. I admit, I have a narcissistic nature hidden inside of me, that makes me read and re-read my blogposts like I'm my blog's own biggest fan, and thinks everyone else, too, adores me and is dying to read every single word that I type in these pages. Yes, my blog is MINE, and I think the world of it. It will very likely not reach celebrity status even in a million years, but it's my own little corner here on the world wide web.
But if only I could be more honest in it, as I would very much like to at times.
p/s = After a-browsing through (OKAYY!! Make that "adoringly and proudly scrutinising") my archives, I have realised that I haven't posted a single picture of myself since like, Chinese New Year! Cannot like that wan... the narcissist in me exclaims!
I've been reading blogs the whole day.... friends' blogs, strangers' blogs, 'celebrity' blogs (as in the BLOGS themselves are the celebrity, not the blogger), blogs I never even knew existed... Came across a blog that was particularly personal and seemed very private. While I was reading it, it struck me that I might be infringing upon someone else's privacy cos it was obvious that the blog was an (the only?) avenue for him to express himself and vent his emotions and conflicts within him and thus, was very introspective and soul-baring. On the other hand, I feel that this blog of mine is getting too impersonal. Is it because I'm aware of the fact that my blogder circle is growing and am afraid to expose too much of my wretched, weak self? Because I want to appear somewhat glamorous and witty and smart and oh-so-interestingly-COOL? I tend to be quite selective about what I write in my blog, and always ask myself what people would think of me after reading what I am about to write. For a moment I really envied some of my friends who don't hesitate to just 'let it all out' on their blogs as if no one was reading - but I couldn't bring myself to do that! "Pride", I hear you say. Perhaps.
I guess I could keep a diary or something if I really needed to write down things that were bothering me, and my deepest darkest secrets - but part of the fun in blogging is in being able to be wonderfully subtle and vague about things, so as to not let everyone in COMPLETELY on what's going on in your life, and at the same still be able to tell the world about it. I admit, I have a narcissistic nature hidden inside of me, that makes me read and re-read my blogposts like I'm my blog's own biggest fan, and thinks everyone else, too, adores me and is dying to read every single word that I type in these pages. Yes, my blog is MINE, and I think the world of it. It will very likely not reach celebrity status even in a million years, but it's my own little corner here on the world wide web.
But if only I could be more honest in it, as I would very much like to at times.
p/s = After a-browsing through (OKAYY!! Make that "adoringly and proudly scrutinising") my archives, I have realised that I haven't posted a single picture of myself since like, Chinese New Year! Cannot like that wan... the narcissist in me exclaims!
posted by may at 11:02 PM
2 Comments:
anyone who publishes a non-password protected blog is ultimately narcissistic... and there's no shame in being proud of yourself. unless you are projecting something you are not.
don't worry about being self obsessed with your blog. i read and re-read and double read my blog entries all the time. and the funny thing is the more i read it, the more ways i read INTO my own writing. i find that reading my archives gives me different insights about myself at different times.
a blog has ultimately become an identity project!
are you being truthful? :P
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