Calmer now

If self-pity isn't one of the most debilitating, disabling, paralyzing (there you go, May the Walking Thesaurus) things, I don't know what is. After doing my quiet time, studying the Bible for reassurances of God's unfailing love, listening to a few worship songs and sorting out my thoughts, I feel a lot better now. I've picked myself up and will begin to walk again very very soon, God willing (..but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint). C'mon May, it's not like you're the only who has to go through this - lots of people have and they came out of it stronger, wiser, better - and who better to help you along the way than Jesus who has seen grief, who has seen sorrow, who has seen rejection and sadness in every essence of the word? The Jesus who loves you with a love undying, the only one who can love perfectly. Whose love will never let you down, never betray you, never lie to you, never forsake you.

And how else do I respond to such heights and depths of love, but by praising His name and giving my all to Him? Praise God, amen.
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On a lighter note, my excitement and anticipation of going home has been reignited, when I google-d the lyrics to gmb's "Mengejar Hadir-Mu" and randomly stumbled across a blog, whose owner turned out to be a very very very old acquaintance back during church school days in Christ Methodist Church Bentong. I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of action-songs, 'Yesus pokok dan kitalah cabangNya...', fancy dress parties, clown costumes, ninja turtles... Don't know if he still remembers me, but anyway... Point is, I'm ready to embrace again all that I left behind 8 months ago and I am excited once more. Will not let ANYTHING dampen my spirit again. There's no place like home, no matter what. I need to relive my childhood and teenage days so badly, I've realised. Being in university, in London, going through hardships of various sorts, meeting so many new people from all walks of life and being exposed to the less pleasant things of the world... all these have bogged my spirit down and somewhat 'polluted' the simple and naive soul that was once Me - a product of a small-town. I may no longer be the small-town girl or country bumpkin (in fact I can verily say I am so much of a city girl nowadays), but something of that old nature still lives in me. And I suspect I will continue to carry with me wherever else in the world I may venture to in the future. Whatever relationships, whatever jobs, whatever circumstances, I am still mommy and daddy's well-protected little girl.

But how I have digressed! I was going to say, how wonderful of God to answer my prayer so quickly. It wasn't long after I prayed to Him to release me from this misery and self-pity, that He led me to the aforesaid blog where I saw photos of Bentong - photos of my alma mater S.R.K. Sg Marong and Tadika Sentosa, and of the residential area my grandparents live in. And suddenly when all those memories came flooding back, all I could think of was how much I miss home and how thankful I am that I am going home in 10 days' time. Suddenly all the burdens were lifted, suddenly there was JOY. =)