Siao lang/sor low/crazy fella'

Went to collect my official A-Level results at Taylor's today. This photo was taken in Steven's car, before we headed on to KLCC for lunch.

Today has been a nostalgic day for me; going back to Subang, to Taylor's, jostling about for standing space in the ever-crowded Putra LRT, travelling in a Metrobus (heck! I think I'm gonna miss even the Mat Rock music they always play in Metrobuses - or Bananarama, hehe), watching the three towers of Ridzuan condos - Royal Tower, Majestic Tower and Imperial Tower - draw closer and closer as I approach Sunway from the Federal Highway.... home!

'Home'?

This is my last one-month-plus in Malaysia before I leave for the UK in late September. I'm counting my every day - not unlike a person on his deathbed awaiting his impending one-last-breath. Yet concurrently I feel like one whose life is only just beginning. I've asked a few close friends, is this the beginning, or is it the end? Of what? they ask puzzledly. I don't really know.... It just feels like an entire new chapter - no, an entirely different book altogether - in my life, to which there is no prequel. It is an ending-beginning ambiguity, a paradox, if you may. I have been living my past few months as if my life were coming to an end - I'm indifferent towards making new friends (except those who, incidentally, will be going to IC as well), I do not bother making any changes in my life, or starting any new projects; everything as of now, as of here, I consider only temporary, til - til what?

My after-all-I-won't-be-here-for-long attitude, is what I call it.

Of course I realise it is wrong to think that my life in UK will be totally unconnected to my life-left-behind in Malaysia. There'll always be family, there'll always be home, there'll always be friends back here... JPA checking on us from time to time... But such a change as big and as overwhelming as this makes it seem, to the mind unwilling to look at the bigger picture, as if there can be no bridge between the two chapters.

I've had my moments of sadness, my moments of missing home and family before I have even left. Twice, I have cried my heart out, just thinking about my dad, my mom... Eric... Ning. Never mind what technology can do in terms of communication across the globe - it won't be the same. It can't.

*sigh*

In life you can't have everything. Can't know everything. Can't control everything. That's why God is God - and we are not.