MAYhem!

2011-02-11T07:17:00.002+08:00

2011-02-09T03:09:00.002+08:00

I have moved

2007-09-13T22:18:00.000+08:00

Please ask me for the URL of my new blog if you're still interested. (=

Transitioning

2007-09-13T15:58:00.001+08:00

Hi all,

I am in the process of moving my blog. However do feel free to continue contacting me here, via my shoutbox or comments.

If anyone is interested to see what's going on in my new page for the time being, pop me a comment/email and I'll give you the URL. (=

Love,
May

p/s= Having said that I might change my mind and decide that I can't bring myself to delete this 3+ year old blog, so do keep checking.

hello/goodbye

2007-09-12T14:24:00.000+08:00

you walked into my life when you first walked into my apartment. uninvited and completely unannounced.

well hello there, stranger.

later that night you put on your black leather jacket and said goodbye. perhaps you slipped in a 'see you some time'.. but it didn't matter. looking back, it makes me so afraid to recall how i had so quickly dismissed the slightest notion of there being anything worth building upon. it was only a matter of hours. yet you held out your arms for a hug, which took me by surprise.

did it surprise you when less than a year later, i held mine out for you?

2007-09-11T00:09:00.000+08:00

i was serenely independent
and content before we met
surely i could always be that way again
and yet
i've grown accustomed to his looks
accustomed to his voice
accustomed to his face

Things I will miss about work

2007-09-06T14:40:00.000+08:00

1. My colleagues' childish banter which I've come to really enjoy. Some recurring lunchtime conversation topics: "What I would do if I won RM16,000,000 in a lottery draw", "How to make a fortune from filing lawsuits against Accenture", "Why it is better to marry a rich man's daughter and live off her fortune than to make your own living", "How to trick your Thai colleague into believing that pork intestine sausages are in fact dog meat", and many others.

2. Hawker food. Glorious hawker food. Today I discovered some really yummy Sarawak handmade noodles, but I won't get to eat it anymore cos tomorrow is my last day and we're going to a Chinese restaurant for my farewell lunch.

3. Playing Scrabulous on Facebook.

4. Er... free Internet?.. I think that's about it. Lol.

indelibly

2007-08-30T11:13:00.000+08:00

that evening we left the korean restaurant in the same surreptitious way we entered it. i dodged puddles in my slouchy suede boots, you said i looked like a little girl in them. i remember feeling the slightest tinge of annoyance that our little rendezvous was turning out to be of such clandestine nature. you couldn't tell, could you?

im not your cousin, silly. we'd wanted to keep it our little secret forever, didnt we?

how it happened i may never know. wasn't it just to be a night like any other night? did we inch closer - as the minute hand drew closer to 12 - because we feared the magic would fade with the closing of the night? was it written in the stars in that overcast london sky? did you see it coming at all? was it with a stubborn recklessness that i let my guard down?

perhaps the decision to share a tiramisu was so much more profound, premonitory than we could possibly have known then. a layer of light, chocolatey sweetness belying a heavier, richer substance underneath, now trailing off to a lingering aftertaste. possibly lingering on long after the moment is over. i may be a hopeless romantic, but tell me if this is not the bittersweet stuff our story is made of.

no matter what - your face, your touch, your voice, will ever remain indelibly impressed upon this heart.

im so glad you came over for tiramisu.

I Got Lost In His Arms

2007-08-30T11:05:00.000+08:00

don't ask me just how it happened
i wish i knew
i can't believe that it's happened
and still it's true

i got lost in his arms, and i had to stay
it was dark in his arms, and i lost my way
from the dark came a voice, and it seemed to say:
"there you go, there you go"

how i felt, as i fell, i just can't recall
but his arms held me fast and it broke the fall
and i said to my heart
as it foolishly kept jumping all around:

"i got lost,
but look what i found"

I am a lean mean phlegm-producing machine

2007-08-30T10:03:00.000+08:00

Is it true that if you block your nostrils while sneezing, the pressure build-up inside your head is large enough to puncture your eardrums? I am getting Happy Tree Friends images in my head right now..

Auntie says I'm to pay the doctor a visit tonight after work. About time, really. I'd put off going to see the doctor for my cold and cough for almost a week now but Tuesday I could no longer ignore the symptoms so I excused myself from work during lunchtime, went home and hit the sack. Yesterday I took the entire day off. My regret is not going to see the doctor earlier, cos then I'd be able to officially take a few days of sick leave rather than look like I'm skiving. What's the point of going to see the doctor now when it's the beginning of the long weekend and I won't be getting an MC? )= Anyhoo. I've been drugging myself to sleep with some very potent flu pills and expectorant which my cousin Darren didn't finish when he fell ill last month, but the medication's making me feel even weaker. This flu is really really tiresome.

Won't you sail home soon?

Tú Mi Delirio

2007-08-27T14:41:00.000+08:00

siempre tú estás conmigo, en mi tristeza
estás en mi alegría y en mi sufrir
porque en tí se encierra toda mi vida
si no estoy contigo, mi bien, no soy felíz

es pasión, delirio de estar contigo
y yo soy dichoso, mi bien
porque me quieres también

for no reasonable reason

2007-08-22T16:32:00.000+08:00

as one sits here lonelily, yet not alone - murmurs of a dozen or more nameless voices surround you - biting lips and blinking eyes, one does the natural thing to do:

hey?

silence follows. and blankness

you there?

you're not there. but you're not here either. and i am a million and one pent-up emotions questions fears just waiting to brim over with the blink of an eye, and plop down in fat drops into my lap.

All alone in a faceless crowd

2007-08-21T10:49:00.000+08:00

I was never a fan of Hanson (okay fine maaaybe a closet fan but that was a long time ago haha) but their song 'Weird' is particularly good I think. I like this line:

when you live in a cookie-cutter world being different is a sin
so you dont stand out and you dont fit in

Last weekend

2007-08-21T10:20:00.000+08:00

So I went to my first jazz gig in KL.

Having had my expectations raised by the fact that the acclaimed jazz chanteuse Anne Weerapass from Singapore would be accompanied by two of Malaysia's most iconic in the scene - Michael Veerapen and Lewis Pragasam, plus the fact that Alexis is reputed to be the jazz venue in the Klang Valley, I guess it was inevitable that I would be let down. The food was disappointing, the sound system left much to be desired, Anne Weerapass' pants were too tight, the music was too loud, too electronic and came off sounding like hotel-lounge-music-only-with-better-vocals. Basically I think I've been spoiled by Ronnie Scott's lah. Lol. Oh and only one bossanova tune was performed that night. )=

Saturday we drove to Bentong - Eng, Em, Chuan, Jin and myself. Pa gave a crash course on 'how to eat your local fruits like a kampung boy/girl'.. we visited Chamang waterfall (it has proven to be an indispensable part of the itinerary whenever friends come to Bentong, haha).. we watched the World Badminton Championships at home.. and other than that we just ate. And ate. And ate.

Yesterday morning I left home at 6am for KL and came straight to work after dropping off my things at my aunt's. It's Tuesday today but I'm still feeling the Monday blues.

everything is not broken - john mayer

2007-08-11T18:34:00.000+08:00

that autumn leaves fall dry and sweet
tells me everything is not broken
no everything is not broken
if everything's not fine
if everything's not fine

that nature rains on flames we made
should tell you everything is not broken
no everything is not broken
if everything's not fine
if everything's not fine

that you could be, oh here with me
tells me everything is not broken
no everything is not broken
if everything's not fine
if everything's not fine

more weddings then funerals in time, in time
if everything's not fine
'cause everything is not broken
no everything is not broken
everything will be fine
everything will be fine

Between the devil & the deep blue sea

2007-08-09T09:48:00.000+08:00

isn't a very nice place to be in.

Bic Runga - Say After Me

2007-07-31T16:45:00.001+08:00

Found a full-length version of this song on Imeem after all, just when I thought I'd never get to listen to the whole song again, after they slashed more than half of the songs on my playlist to 30 seconds. Enjoy!

A need to intercede

2007-07-31T15:47:00.000+08:00

Pray:
- that the 21 South Korean hostages held by the Taliban in Afghanistan be released unharmed as soon as possible
- for Mr Hamid Karzai and his government officials as they negotiate the release of the hostages, that a peaceful resolution will be reached very very soon
- for the hostages themselves, that they will experience God's nearness and comfort, and that He will sustain them physically and emotionally
- for the bereaved families of the two male hostages, that God will comfort them in their time of mourning
- for the Taliban, that they will respect the value and dignity of human life, and cease the violence immediately

Public transport grouses

2007-07-31T14:46:00.000+08:00

1. Pole Huggers. People who claim 'pole position' all to themselves, wrapping their arms and legs around the handrail (the vertical type) with no regard for other passengers who are struggling to maintain balance with nothing to hold on to for support.

2. Traffic Stoppers. In KL, the right lane on the escalator is the fast lane (Yes, it says so on the signboards next to the escalators!!). Or not - if you're unfortunate enough to get stuck behind someone who's either inconsiderate or ignorant.

3. Bouncers. In the case of getting on/off LRTs, instead of stopping you from getting in, they stop you from getting out. I don't understand why! It's simple reasoning, really - people have to get out first before more people can get in - the carriage doesn't have an infinite volume!
__________________________

On a separate note, my Spanish Word of the Day email today tells me that the Spanish word for 'mosquito' is... 'mosquito'!

mirage

2007-07-27T17:05:00.000+08:00

foot's on the pedal
but who's in the driver's seat?

no I'm not color blind / i know the world is black and white / try to keep an opened mind I just can't sleep on this tonight / stop this train I want to get out and go home again / i can't take the speed it's moving in

stop this train
- john mayer

cornered.

2007-07-27T16:22:00.000+08:00

and the only way out is up.

A long hiatus

2007-07-26T15:14:00.000+08:00

Can't quite put my finger on the reason why I stopped writing here. I suppose it was really a combination of many things, not least the fact that for the longest time I just felt plain fed up of thinking up 'clever' witty things to say. This blog had become somewhat like a thorn in my flesh - at some point I told people I was just going to get rid of it forever or at least take it off the net even if I don't delete the blogposts. Yet at the same time it'd become my comfort zone, deleting it would be like throwing away an old blanket or my favourite (grubby) pair of gloves. And at the same time, too, I didn't want to leave it dormant for so long. Having a blog can be tiresome that way.

But what do you know? -here I am writing again. Because I am bored and jobless at work, for lack of a better reason.

Since I'm still struggling to recover from this prolonged writer's block, a quick update will do: I'm now back in Malaysia, interning with Accenture but based in ACNielsen in PJ, whiling away the hours til my conscience deems it "okay" to leave the office. We watched Transformers yesterday, me, Eng and Jin. It was good fun, because/in spite of the fact that there was sooo much profligate destruction! Oh and last Sunday we saw Vacancy, you know, that thriller starring Kate Beckinsale and Luke Wilson. I actually screamed twice in the cinema, can you believe that? After all the training I'd gotten watching Korean/Japanese/HK 'horror' flicks with Barathy and Justine, you'd think I'd be able to take a few scares but nooo... Apparently I was squeezing Eng's hand so much the blood couldn't circulate properly, haha. But anyhoo. Tomorrow I will be going back to Bentong for the weekend, I foresee more couch potato (in)activity. Channel 76 here I coooooome!

All that jazz

2007-05-09T19:25:00.000+08:00

A mix of upbeat bebop/hardbop ala Miles&Trane and Charlie 'Yardbird' Parker, and soothing ballady numbers by Bill Evans and Stan Getz.

I can't wait for my Stan Getz "Cafe Montmartre" CD which Winston is bringing back for me from U.S. next week!! (=

Good Friday

2007-04-05T09:50:00.001+08:00

"Why" by Nichole Nordeman

Full lyrics to the song

The Cross did not happen to Jesus. He came on purpose for it.

The center of salvation is the Cross of Jesus, and the reason it is so easy to obtain salvation is because it cost God so much. The Cross is the point where God and sinful man merge with a crash and the way to life is opened - but the crash is on the heart of God.

- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest

Still

2007-03-31T17:42:00.000+08:00

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
Within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

-Reuben Morgan, Hillsong

N/B= The song is on my sidebar, above the tagboard.

To whom do you turn?

2007-03-30T23:22:00.000+08:00

At the end of it all, when nothing anyone can say or do can change a thing, turning to Him in meekness I once again find peace and comfort.

What does it take to learn a lesson about God?

Through imperfection, I see how perfect He is.
Through weakness, I draw upon His strength.
Through crushed ideals and dreams, I see that only He holds the future.
Through rejections, He accepts and approves via Jesus' sacrifice for me.
Through insecurity, He loves more than I can ever conceive.
Through periods of spiritual drought, He satiates.

Can I just say, nothing satisfies like the Lord.

Lighter boots

2007-03-10T23:57:00.000+08:00

In Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer (Everything Is Illuminated), the 9-year old narrator-protagonist Oskar uses the phrase "heavy boots" to describe feelings of depression/nervousness/sadness.

Some things that gave me lighter boots this past week:
Gorgeous sunshiney weather
Kellogs' Crunchy Nut cereal with strawberries and bananas in milk, every morning (=
Molding rabbits out of plasticine
Plans for picnicking-cum-studying sessions in Hyde Park during Easter hols
My "Poem for the Day" book from Sook Meng
________________________________________

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes, but I couldn’t sleep, not after hours, and it made my boots lighter to be around his things, and to touch stuff that he had touched, and to make the hangers hang a little straighter, even though I knew it didn’t matter.
- Jonathan Safran Foer

Third Day Syndrome?

2007-03-02T20:11:00.000+08:00

Luke 24:21
"but we had hoped that he was the one to redeem Israel. And what is more, it is the third day since.."

Spiritual lust makes me demand an answer from God, instead of seeking God Who gives the answer. What have I been trusting God would do? And today - the immediate present - is the third day, and He has not done it; therefore I imagine I am justified in being dejected and in blaming God. Whenever the insistence is on the point that God answers prayer, we are off the track. The meaning of prayer is that we get hold of God, not of the answer.

- Oswald Chambers, "My Utmost For His Highest"

Journey

2007-02-19T22:36:00.000+08:00

by Corrinne May

It's a long, long journey til I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long, long journey and I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long, long journey til I find my way home to You

Many days I've spent drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose, wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter, I know I will cry
I know You'll be standing by my side
It's a long, long journey and I need to be close to You

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I dont even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds me up til I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through?

Cos it's a long, long journey til I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary beneath the stormy skies
When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control

Cos it's a long, long journey til I find my way home to You

Comforthings

2007-02-14T16:53:00.000+08:00

My duvet.
Mommy's homemade cornflake cookies.
Alan crooning Donny Hathaway in the shower.
White roses.
The heartwarming sight of a child nestled in a beanbag, sucking her thumb contentedly whilst listening to a story on a pair of headphones.
Raindrops softly falling.
Friends who care enough to not be afraid of being naggy. (=
Hugs.

2007-02-12T23:33:00.000+08:00

But maybe the truth is that, our human tragedy is that we are unable to comprehend our experience, it slips through our fingers, we can't hold on to it, and the more time passes, the harder it gets... My father said that the natural world gave us explanations to compensate for the meanings we could not grasp. The slant of the cold sunlight on a winter pine, the music of water, an oar cutting the lake and the flight of birds, the mountains' nobility, the silence of the silence. We are given life but must accept that it is unattainable and rejoice in what can be held in the eye, the memory, the mind.

Salman Rushdie, "Shalimar the Clown"

Today at playtime

2007-02-07T19:44:00.000+08:00

Nour: May, are you pregnant?
Me: Am I what?!
Nour: Do you have a baby inside your stummick?
Me: Why.. does it look like I do?
Nour: Yeah.

No matter. You're still my favourite 5 year old. (=

Blog diarrhoea

2007-01-28T06:25:00.000+08:00

I am so addicted to clementines and mandarins, I just can't stop eating them, for some reason! I think my body knows when Chinese New Year is round the corner..

I hate job applications. Loathe my current Unilever one with a passion.

Denmark Street was a bit of a letdown - nobody told me the street was only 100 metres long! - but at least Heidir bought the Ibanez he's been lusting after. Don't worry, pumpkin, if you can't pay your rent after having parted with letsnotsayhowmanypounds to buy that beauty, you can always busk at Gloucester Road tube station for a month. Lol.

Wonder if there's a piano equivalent of Denmark Street in London.

Oh! For the benefit of my few but faithful readers in Malaysia (hehe) - last Wednesday saw the falling of the first snow in London this year. Sadly I was fast asleep when the woman in the clouds starting emptying her featherpillows of their contents at 3 a.m. )= I did get to see the gardens all covered in white when I walked to college later that morning though. Hope it snows again soon.

Yesterday a friend presented me with a poem he penned just for me, the most heartwarming yet amusing poem okay, in which each line ended with a word that rhymes with 'May'. He is now officially my favourite curly-haired Singaporean Indian Muslim Japanese-speaking non-Fine Chem Chem Eng-er. Hehe.

2007-01-26T23:32:00.000+08:00

some things make sense more than others
things of the heart seldom do

Where I like best to be kissed

2007-01-24T18:35:00.000+08:00

On the forehead.

Just like how my favourite five year old Nour kissed me today when I was zipping up his jacket for him. (=

gushing and blushing
-may-

2006: A Review

2007-01-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

(This should've been done at the end of last year but I only just saw it on Jenny's blog and am stealing it now. d= )

1. What did you do this year that you’ve never done before?
Volunteer. Work. Wear a jumpsuit. Go through surgery. Job interviews. Learn a new language.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Didn't make any last year, nor in the year before, as far as I can remember. Was never in the habit of making new year resolutions but just for fun, this year I have made two: To make an effort to appear more friendly (cos I've been told by quite a few friends that I come across as cold/aloof/uninterested); and to stop buying chocolate in between lectures. I have already broken the second one. d=

3. What countries did you visit this year?
Italy, on two separate trips. Scotland.

4. What would you like to have in the next year that you lacked this year?
Will power. Single-mindedness. Ambition. Drive. Spontaneity.

5. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory - and why?
None in particular.

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Looking him in the eye and smiling from my heart. No resentment.

7. What was your biggest failure of the year?
Letting my emotions get the better of me.

8. What was the best thing you bought this year?
My FCUK jacket!! (=
A ticket to Palermo with six other wonderful people. (=

9. Where did most of your money go this year?
Travelling.

10. What did you get really, really, really excited about this year?
Watching a jazz gig featuring Steve Tyrell at Ronnie Scott's. First day of work at GSK. Last day of work at GSK.

11. What songs will always remind you of this year?
'Don't Feel Like Dancing' by the Scissor Sisters. 'Cannonball' and 'Accidental Babies' by Damien Rice. 'You Could Be Happy' by Snow Patrol.

12. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- happier or sadder? Apparently, (after looking back at my blog archive for Jan 2006) on this day last year I was thinking about the subject of marriage. I am at the moment boyfriend-less. Does that tell you anything? Hahaha. Just joking la. (Really I am) But judging from my blog entries in Jan 2006, it seems there were the downs, although I suppose in general I am in more ways than one happier now than I was this time last year.
- richer or poorer? Poorer, beyond any shadow of doubt. Lol.
- thinner or fatter? Fatter. (Or at least that's what I'd like to think..)

13. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Pay attention in lectures.
Speak my mind.
Smile. Be thankful. Tell someone about Jesus.
Read the Bible. Talk to God.

14. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Dwell on the past.

15. What was the best book you read this year?
I don't think I remember all the titles I read in 2006, but off the top of my head, my faves were 'War Trash' by Ha Jin, 'An Artist of the Floating World' by Kazuo Ishiguro and 'Shalimar the Clown' by Salman Rushdie which I'm currently reading.

16. What was your favorite film of the year?
The Wizard of Oz. (=

Klutz

2007-01-18T18:51:00.000+08:00

I've forgotten to bring my wallet to college on three out of four days so far this week. Monday, I borrowed one pound from Jin Rong to buy myself a pain au chocolat to assuage my misery, only for it to drop it on the floor and roll behind the vending machine out of my reach. Tuesday, as a result of reading my timetable wrongly and bringing in the wrong notes, I sat through all my lectures totally disoriented and at sea. Wednesday, I slammed the lid of the grand piano on my pinkie. And to top it all off, today I forgot my keys, and thus got locked out of my room for an hour or so. I've been such a klutz it's not even funny.

Story of my life. Sigh!

Yesterday

2007-01-02T21:19:00.000+08:00

"The God of Israel will be your rear guard." Isaiah 52:12

Security from Yesterday. "God requireth that which is past." At the end of the year we turn with eagerness to all that God has for the future, and yet anxiety is apt to arise from remembering the yesterdays. Our present enjoyment of God's grace is apt to be checked by the memory of yesterday's sins and blunders. But God is the God of our yesterdays, and He allows the memory of them in order to turn the past into a ministry of spiritual culture for the future. God reminds us of the past lest we get into a shallow security in the present.

Security for Tomorrow. "For the Lord will go before you." This is a gracious revelation, that God will garrison where we have failed to. He will watch lest things trip us up again into like failure, as they assuredly would do if He were not our rear guard. God's hand reaches back to the past and makes a clearing-house for conscience.

Security for Today. "For ye shall not go out with haste." As we go forth into the coming year, let it not be in the haste of impetuous, unremembering delight, nor with the flight of impulsive thoughtlessness, but with the patient power of knowing that the God of Israel will go before us. Our yesterdays present irreparable things to us; it is true that we have lost opportunities which will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ.

- Oswald Chambers in "My Utmost for His Highest"

2006

2007-01-01T23:17:00.000+08:00

And memory was not madness was it, not even when the remembered past piled up so high inside you that you feared the files of your yesterdays would become visible in the whites of your eyes. Memory was a gift. It was a positive.

- Salman Rushdie in "Shalimar the Clown"

A Sicilian Recipe

2006-12-24T00:55:00.000+08:00

Ingredients:
2 Jins (one big, one small)
1 maniacal heel-clicking goddess
1 Datuk's son (small)
1 red wine addict (with floppy cockatoo hair)
2 small girls (matured - from the surburbia of Kluang and Bentong respectively)

Method:

1. London --> Palermo

Run frantically to catch Ryanair plane (FR3918). Upon arrival in Palermo, find an Englishspeaking/Russianeducated/overlyhelpful Nigerian who will check you into your cosy little apartment and direct you to your first (and last) touristtrap restaurant.

2. Palermo

Interlaced between the mad Fiat Punto Drivers, infinite piles of dog poop and dysfunctional pedestrian crossings, look out for a pseudo-notsoquaint-European-Moorish-almostKualaLumpurlike town with a strange charm of its own. Cross from the perpendicular roads of the new town to the maze and destitute of old Palermo - a ghostly war-torn town in the afternoon siesta hours.

Soak up the buzz of seriouslygoodexpresso, the vibrance of the wet market produce, the confusion and clash of Moorish/Baroque/Norman/Medieval architectural styles, and how could we forget - seriously goodlooking tour guides.

Marvel at the similarity in street food culture to home - Makeral rolls, Battered artichoke and broccoli, porchetta (glorified roast pork).

Drown in the heavenly wine and Palermitan delights of L'incanto.

Palermo city

3. Palermo --> Cefalu --> Palermo.

A short train ride away from Palermo lies idyllic Cefalu with its beige-pink moorish buildings, cosy piazzas, sloping narrow alleys and towering volcanic surroundings - the set of Cinema Paradiso. The calm mediterranean waters and rocky reefs offer a great backdrop for Charlie-Chaplin heel clicking and a multitude of poserpics.

The famous Charlie Chaplin heel-click.

Seven in Sicily

On the rocks

After climbing all the way up the hundreds of steps of La Rocca to find the temple of gods closed, indulge in fresh coffee, tiramisu, and pistachio tarts as the sun sets over the cozy Piazza del Duomo. As you lull yourself away from the peace and contentment of this little seaside gem, marvel at Big Jin's induction into the Mafia family and how ageing women grow old together, slow dancing in the streets.
Cefalu

Back in the city, the haven of Kursaal Kalhesa gives a true flavour of the epitome of a classy Palermitan Saturday Night out. Its cocktails, open loft ceiling, eclectic library and velvety sofas provide the perfect setting for a maiden feeding grapes to a datuk's son. Uplift yourself with Sicilian wine and local favourites in the wild, gravelly, rainforest ambience of the restaurant above.

4. Mondello.

Something about the sea never fails to strike a chord with me.

Giuseppe sits picture-perfectly on the shore, stately as if she knew she would be the model for our countless photographs, yet serene and unassuming in her poise, the looming mountain range silhouetted against the background of a bluish, somewhat foggy sky. Giuseppe is one of many of her kind, yet unique in her own right. As I write this, I am reminded of The Little Prince and the rose he was in love with. "It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important". You love something not because it is unique; it becomes unique because you love it. So it is with Giuseppe. I have not seen a more picturesque scene in all of the trip than that of Giuseppe reclining on the shore in the waning sunlight at dusk, detached from all the touristy buzz on the sidewalks behind her.

Important ingredients and method:
At least one girl with a sweet tooth, a crepe stall, a ginormous jar of Nutella.
Ice-cold Moretti beer.
Deep and profound discussions on life and vanity and
Mix, blend and whisk all of the above for the perfect chilled-out evening.

One posh restaurant, formerly awarded a Michelin star.
One ashtray medallion bling.
Half a dozen pompous maitre-D's.
One table full of boisterous wineglass-smashing fellow patrons, and an irate waiter.
Plenty of good wine to guzzle.
While waiting for the bus to arrive, stand everyone in a circle and repeat "haa haaa", one after another.

Mondello

5. Palermo --> London.

Musty, spookish catacombs with a fetid air, or was that just my imagination?
8000-odd clothed skeletons of every size, age and occupation.
Random comments like "This one looks handsome".

Cooking tips:
Drown the dish in great conversations, majestic company and MTV.

Memorable Garnishings:
"haaa haaaa"/"poinsettia"/"yum-meh"/"everybody's dancing! dancing!(tiu tiu tiu)"/"If I don't have some wine soon I am going to kill someone"/"HARDY BOOZE"/"to the left, to the left"/"I'm so happy"/"Xie zhe li mien de qie zhe!"

"Poinsettiahh."

Written by Guan Leong.
feat. May (=
photos courtesy of Sau Yin and Nits.

God with us

2006-12-11T07:14:00.000+08:00

Advent and Christmas this year has been speaking loud and clear to me about one thing in particular: That God is with us. That He became Man, dwelt amongst us, and continues to be with us whether we are conscious of it or not.

Genesis 26:24
God to Abraham: "Do not be afraid, for I am with you"

Genesis 26:28
Abimelech king of the Philistines, to Isaac: "We clearly saw that the Lord was with you"

Genesis 28:15
God to Jacob: "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go"

Exodus 3:12
God to Moses: "I will be with you"

Joshua 3:7
God to Joshua: "I am with you as I was with Moses"

Jeremiah 1:9
God to Jeremiah: "For I am with you and will rescue you"

Acts 18:10
God to Paul: "For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you"

The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel - which means "God with us". Matthew 1:23

A very simple message, really. But how often it is that I forget, and live as though the battle was all mine to fight.

And you know what an even more amazing thing is? Not only that He is Emmanuel, God with us - but He is also Christ the Saviour who rescues. You know, (hypothetically speaking) I think if God wanted to reach the cows and rescue them, He'd come as a calf. If He wanted to reach and rescue... I don't know.. kangaroos... then He'd come as a joey. Likewise if it was the penguins he wanted to save, I imagine He'd give the uber-cute Mumble a run for his money.

Wonder why He came as a baby. (=

If real interviews were like this...

2006-12-07T07:42:00.000+08:00

Guan Leong says:
mayy
.m.a.y. says:
hello guaniieee!
.m.a.y. says:
ask me a random interview question! quick!
.m.a.y. says:
lol
Guan Leong says:
if your senior colleague were to hit on you
Guan Leong says:
how would you handle the situation?
.m.a.y. says:
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
.m.a.y. says:
GUAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The world through Rainbow-tinted glasses

2006-12-07T01:02:00.000+08:00

Today Nour said of my watch which has several multi-coloured straps: "Look, it's made of rainbows." Imagine if we all could see the rainbows in the insignificant everyday things that we so often overlook...

The Fox jottings

2006-12-07T00:19:00.000+08:00

I am utterly and inconsolably devastated that I won't be able to see the Nativity Play put up by the Fox primary school kids next Thursday as I will be on my way to Sicily then. )=
____________________________

But on a happier note...

Today Nour blew kisses at me. Gracie and Scarlett told me "I love you". Aziz hollered, "Mee! Mee!", trying to get my attention to look at the Duplo house he built. Took me a while to realise it was my name (his version of my name, rather) that he was calling out.

Also, the children had a rehearsal for next week's Christmas concert. My Reception (pre-school) kids are absolutely adorable. So coy and so charming, singing "Go tell it on the mountain" in their sweet little voices. Louis had his shirt hem in his mouth and his belly exposed throughout a good half of the rehearsal. Dewashis claps his hands with such ardour, as if he were clanging a pair of cymbals.

2006-12-03T07:24:00.002+08:00

The Gospel of the grace of God awakens an intense longing in human souls and an equally intense resentment, because the revelation which it brings is not palatable. There is a certain pride in man that will give and give, but to come and accept is another thing. I will give myself in consecration, I will do anything, but do not humiliate me to the level of the most hell-deserving sinner and tell me that all I have to do is to accept the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ.

We have to realize that we cannot earn or win anything from God; we must either receive it as a gift or do without it. The greatest blessing spiritually is the knowledge that we are destitute; until we get there our Lord is powerless. He can do nothing for us if we think we are sufficient of ourselves; we have to enter into His Kingdom through the door of destitution. As long as we are rich, possessed of anything in the way of pride or independence, God cannot do anything for us. It is only when we get hungry spiritually that we receive the Holy Spirit.

- Oswald Chambers

Portobello

2006-11-30T07:45:00.000+08:00

So I took that long-delayed stroll down Portobello Road.

At sundown, the pretty pastels of the little terrace houses fade into a pallor, their pinks and lavenders and blues barely distinguishable against the sombre greyness of the night. I love the understatedness of the designs of houses in Notting Hill Gate, each unit a single monotone - dull and uninteresting on its own - yet so pleasingly quaint when set in a row of other similar ones. Such charm in such uniformity.

A whiff of yuletide, a clattering of silver baubbles. Pretty pots of poinsettia blooms line the curbs of the road. It's Christmas in Portobello, where no bright lights scream Christmas greetings inyourface, and the liveliness is subtle, not loud.

Portobello Road in the evening is intimate and unimposing. The road winds meanderingly; climbs and descends in turn. We are transported from Parisian to Persian settings in a matter of a some yards, vintage cowboy boots to Venetian masks, bone china to rustic earthenware, feathered quills to rickety rocking horses... Portobello Road, like much of the merchandise the majority of its tenants offer, is immortal in its own right.

The things they say..

2006-11-17T06:45:00.000+08:00

Some of the things that were said to me during my first two sessions volunteering as student mentor at Fox Primary School in Notting Hill Gate:

1. Grace, after studying my teeth: "You've got GIGANTIC teeth... they're like, the size of dinosaur teeth."

2. Celeste is one of two Chinese girls in my class. Said Alexandre: "Are you Celeste's mommy?". To which I laughed and said no. To which he asked again, "Are you a mommy?"

3. Max, a kid with a learning disability, as he hobbled towards me on a pair of very weak legs, smiling and with arms outstretched: "Mama". As if that wasn't enough to melt me, he wrapped his arms around my legs.

4. Nour, a little boy with the sweetest smile: "I love you". With a hug.

I'm really beginning to think that this bunch of 5-year olds are actually doing volumes more for me than I'll ever be able to do for them.

Good morning, Monday

2006-11-13T17:03:00.000+08:00

Lipstick on my teeth
Perfume in my eyes

My hair out of place
My socks mismatched

Yesterday reverberates
Still in my head

Fuzzy wuzzy dizzy ditzy
Nippy in my skinny tee

I'm running late
Hot chocolate burns my tongue

But oh, it's Monday morning
So tell me, now - what's new?

Never really know

2006-11-12T05:03:00.000+08:00

Is it in mere facial features - a flawlessly shaped nose, two almond-eyes, a chiselled jaw and cheekbones? In the way you knit your eyebrows as in deep contemplation, and the creases in your forehead as you frown at a careless thoughtless remark? The way you throw your head back and laugh to yourself; at yourself? Or that stray wisp of jet black hair that stubbornly escaped the path of my fingers running through your hair.

In a room filled with fifty people of all shapes sizes colour and creed, what is it that sets you apart from the rest?

Perhaps it is in the way those brown eyes light up when you smile. And the delightful crinkles at the corners of your eyes that so endear you to me.

Disclaimer: Purely fictional. (=

Pictorial: Oct-Nov '06

2006-11-05T23:53:00.000+08:00

I've decided to put up some pretty photos on my blog every now and then to systematically chronicle what has happened in the past one or two months. And they're not filler posts, okay! Lol. So here we go.

OCTOBER
Chicago Musical at the Cambridge Theatre, when Jenn Yi came to visit. And yes, I saw Ashlee Simpson. Not that I'm particularly proud of that. Heh.

Zhon Wei's pre-birthday celebration at Four Seasons, followed by a long and chilled night at Guan's.

Hari Raya with the Pengarah at Encik Adib's (our new JPA Student Advisor).

Burger night at Chuan and Nits's. Followed by Taboo and shisha.

NOVEMBER
Steve Tyrell at Ronnie Scott's. No shots of Steve himself though, cos I was too absorbed in the music and the everyeverything to be bothered to take out my camera. (= Oh, and there's a picture of me doing the touristy thing in front of the Eye. Teehee.

Nightshift: Part II

2006-11-05T04:43:00.000+08:00

11:30pm, Ronnie Scott's. Jazz and Australian Shiraz-Cabernet. A scattering of a hundred warm red and orange lights - presumably Mathmos. Black-and-white pictures wall-to-wall. Dancing fingers, bopping heads and tapping feet. A jolly old white-haired man croons a nonchalant take of "That old feeling" as the metallic brush rhythmically swishes on the snare, light and silky.

5:30am, Guan's room. Soft, restrained strummings on the Takamine. Damien Rice, Goo Goo Dolls. Snuggling under the duvet. And the night slowly gives way to morn.

For you

2006-11-01T06:38:00.000+08:00

Faith by its very nature must be tried, and the real trial of faith is not that we find it difficult to trust God, but that God's character has to be cleared in our own minds. Never confound the trial of faith with the ordinary discipline of life, much that we call the trial of faith is the inevitable result of being alive. Faith in the Bible is faith in God against everything that contradicts Him - "I will remain true to God's character whatever He may do". (excerpt from "My Utmost For His Highest")

"Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." Job 13:15

The Prayer of Jehoshaphat

2006-11-01T04:38:00.000+08:00

2 Chronicles 20

O Lord God of our Fathers, are You not God in heaven, and do You not rule over all the kingdoms of the nations, and in Your hand is there not power and might, so that no one is able to withstand You? ...for we have no power against this great multitude that is coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.

And thus saith the Lord:
"Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God's."

"In the train of a Conqueror, it does not matter what the difficulties are, I am always led in triumph." - Oswald Chambers

Nightshift

2006-10-28T10:58:00.000+08:00

11pm, Zhon's room. Oriental-themed. Japanese paper-lantern lights, bamboo-themed wall decor. A strikingly out-of-place Van Gogh. Taboo.

2:20am, Jin Rong's room. Zen. Minimalist interior. Dim, smokey ambience, and a fruitiness wafting in the air. A shimmering, fluid sun. Chill-out music.

4:15am, my room. Complete darkness except for my laptop screen. Nina Simone.

Nothingness. Nobodyness.

Pensive. And unusually wide awake.

Why are there so many songs about rainbows?

2006-10-22T06:13:00.000+08:00

Why are there so many songs about rainbows?
And what's on the other side
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see
Someday we'll find, the rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it
And look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing?
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

All of us, under its spell
we know that it's probably magic...

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
It's something that I'm supposed to be
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

When God disciplines us

2006-10-06T20:03:00.000+08:00

"It was I who taught Ephraim to walk,
taking them by the arms;
but they did not realise
it was I who healed them.
I led them with cords of human kindness
with ties of love;
I lifted the yoke from their neck
and bent down to feed them."
- Hosea 11:3-4

I don't know about you, but to me those few verses have such strong undertones of tenderness and compassion. Actually, they are simply spilling over with tenderness and compassion. Thank God for His love that is so persistent!

And the journey continues

2006-10-03T22:05:00.000+08:00

So I left Malaysia on Thursday afternoon, with a somewhat-heavy heart and most certainly heavy bags. Settling in this time around has been a lot swifter and easier owing to a very fortunate transpiration of events that led up to our 20-odd boxes and suitcases being moved into the storage room inside our flat without us having to lift a finger ourselves! Plus, no boxes of mine went missing this year so that's a plus point... lol. I arrived in London on Thursday evening, and by Saturday night we were pretty much moved in and settled in, most of our stuff unpacked. And lookie here! I've even managed to put up a photo collage in sepia on the wall! (=

Speaking of missing boxes, the other day while unpacking my things I realised that I didn't have my folder with all my certificates with me in London, and I don't remember seeing them at home in Bentong either. Rightaway a dreadful recollection of my missing box from last summer struck me, and I concluded that the folder of certificates must have been in that box for it was to be found nowhere else... and that was a horrible shock indeed because this year I know I would be needing all those certificates to apply for a summer internship. I got so angry at the people who were responsible for it, whoever they were; until my mom called later in the day to tell me that the folder was actually at home sitting in an unopened box in my room. Phew! So... my apologies to the people who took my box/the people who lost my box, for thinking all those nasty murderous thoughts of you (just joking) but if you please, I'd STILL love to have the box back anyhow, thank you very much.

The guys minus Lance are at the moment keeping themselves occupied with the Playstation 2 - I hear boyish yelps, bursts of laughter and other assorted noises every now and then - Melissa and Lance have gone a-swimming and so that leaves me all alone to my muse, while listening to jazz - just the way I like it. (=

Autumn term of third year is going to be a time of attending career talks, filling in application forms, revising and re-revising my CV, doing online tests/assessments and going through interviews and the heartbreak of being rejected, which leaves much to be desired, really. Time to think about my future, to put it very plainly.

But moving on to more cheerful things - I'm looking forward to more 'kau yook fan' sessions at Oriental Canteen with Chuan and Zhon, Starbucks Fridays with the Chem Eng crew, karaoke sessions with the gang, Steve Tyrell at Ronnie Scotts, watching Kung Pow with my fellow Kung Pow-crazed housemates Alan and Yew Vern, and cooking up yummy dinners every night in our kitchen. (=

Anyways, more piccies of the house...

Our bedroom

Close-up of my desk

Ravioli hanging pretty from our bedroom door

Our kitchen

And the hallway

Mountaintops and valleys

2006-10-03T20:43:00.000+08:00

We are not built for the mountains and the dawns and aesthetic affinities, those are for moments of inspiration, that is all. We are built for the valley, for the ordinary stuff we are in, and that is where we have to prove our mettle. ... The height of the mountain top is measured by the drab drudgery of the valley; but it is in the valley that we live for the glory of God. We see His glory on the mount, but we never live for His glory there. It is in the sphere of humiliation that we find our true worth to God, that is where our faithfulness is revealed. Most of us can do things if we are always at the heroic pitch because of the natural selfishness of our hearts, but God wants us at the drab commonplace pitch, where we live in the valley according to our personal relationship to Him.

- Oswald Chambers, "My Utmost For His Highest"

I am a poet!

2006-09-10T23:59:00.000+08:00

YuYoNg [going back to london] says:
like winter nights need fire
like temples need a shrine
like lovers need desire
like prophets need a sign

a M A Y z e d a smile that's just a careless yawn says:
hehe
a M A Y z e d a smile that's just a careless yawn says:
in a poetic mood ar?

YuYoNg [going back to london] says:
like children need their mothers
like rivers need a sea
like lovers need each other
like prisoners need a key

a M A Y z e d a smile that's just a careless yawn says:
it rhymes!
a M A Y z e d a smile that's just a careless yawn says:
like yuyong needs sainsbury's
like may needs tomato cherries
like cheescake needs blueberries
like raj's chest hair-ies

YuYoNg [going back to london] says:
aiyoh!

Both sides, now

2006-09-09T23:37:00.000+08:00

- Joni Mitchell

Bows and flows of angel hair, and ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons ev'rywhere, I've looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on ev'ryone
So many things I would have done but clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
As ev'ry fairy tale comes real; I've looked at love that way
But now it's just another show. You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusion I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds; I've looked at life that way
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained in living ev'ry day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

On the other hand

2006-08-23T15:20:00.000+08:00

Things I miss from/about London:

1. Going to Sainsbury's after afternoon lectures - such a good way to wind down (=
2. Ben & Jerry's ice cream
3. Wearing coats/jackets and boots
4. Busrides
5. Walking
6. And not having to fear being robbed/mugged/pickpocketed/slashed at/catcalled at/raped/murdered/run down by vehicles
7. The absence of catcalling wolfwhistling kissynoisemaking Pervey Petersons (as Chuan calls them)!
8. Snuggling up with Capuccino under my warm, green duvet on a chilly winter's night... aaahh

For lack of a better title..

2006-08-21T15:59:00.000+08:00

So I got my first paycheck today, albeit minus RM19 X 3 for the three days of leave I took after my LASIK surgery. Oh and it wasn't actually a check cos like my brother says, they probably pay me out of the Petty Cash account or something like that, lol. This being my first real work experience (helping Miss Lim teach theory to the kids every Saturday during my Form 5 days does not count, though I actually earned a great deal more per hour than I am earning right now, hmmm), I have to say it feels quite satisfying to finally be earning my own wages, modest though they may be. *pats self on the back*

Recently I have discovered that there are a few questions that I am repeatedly asked, by different people, and which I've grown most tired of answering.

FAQ about May:

1. "Why are you so skinny?" has got to be the ULTIMATE eye-roll-ughh-not-again-oh-just-kill-me-bleargh-inducing question of all time and I suspect will continue to be so for quite a while.

As the cute little Korean auntie (we call her 'Ajima'; incidentally, I only just found out that 'Ajima' isn't her name, it's Korean for 'auntie') who regularly drops by my aunt's place, ever so eloquently and animatedly puts it: "Many many rice! No fat! Very gooood!!!!" Unfortunately the average auntie/grandmother/distant female relative/envious female friend often fails to see this incredible phenomena the way dear Ajima does. Instead of being impressed at my apparent ultra-high metabolic rate and my ability to dig in without putting on, they tsk-tsk and shake their head with disapproval at what they perceive to be my unhealthy appetite and/or obsession with staying thin. And this does not even exclude people who are close to me, who ought to know that I have no such tendencies! I mean... Hello?? Do you not SEE the amount of FOOD on my plate?!?! For the last time, I love my chow and I. Am. Not. On. A. Diet.!

2. "So you know how to make Panadol then?" (referring to my work attachment at GSK). Answer: No.

3. "How many years are you bonded to serve the government, you poor girl?". Okay I know this is actually a very valid question but I've been asked it one too many times and am getting tired of repeating the whole lengthy explanation on the differences between a Biasiswa Penuh and a Pinjaman Boleh Ubah. So people, I am not bonded to the government because mine is the latter scholarship (convertible loan) and at the end of my studies, I need only pay back a certain percentage (interest free instalments) of whatever the government has spent on my education, depending on how well I do. Okay? Okay.

4. "Eh how come you celebrate Chinese New Year? Aren't you Christian?". Not to be racist but most of this kind of questions come from my Malay friends.

5. "Which town did you say you're from again?" (often accompanied by a snigger). Bentong. And that's in Pahang, not Johor, not Sarawak, and most certainly nowhere near Timbuktu, nor anything like it!

girl with the bulging wallet,

-may-

Vacanze Romane

2006-08-15T16:52:00.000+08:00

Dear You,

If you're planning to go to Rome anytime soon, can you please please please be an angel and buy me a poster like this one?

Not sure why but I only fell in love with these posters after my Italy trip, or I'd have bought them there myself.

arrivederci,
-may-

P/S= I only want a black&white one (=

Hanging on in there

2006-08-14T13:21:00.000+08:00

..if only by a thread.

My working days at GSK have in the recent weeks slowed down to an excruciatingly painful crawl. Today, in particular, has got to be one of the absolute slowest days I have experienced in a long long time, even the 3 hours of cold-sweat-panicking-and-trying-to-recover-from-my-black-out-during-Separations-Processes-paper-experience pales in comparison. My immediate supervisor is having training from 9 to 5, and the rest of the office is either on leave or away on training too. There's no one here to give me any work to do. I hate the idleness. I hate it with a passion. (notice I didn't say "I hate my work" or "I hate GSK") Being idle is one thing, having to pretend to be busy and useful is another. It feels almost demeaning.

If anything, this 'practical training' experience has helped me discover what are the criteria I seek most in a job - work satisfaction, motivation, and a friendly, conducive working environment. Which is something to be thankful about because last year when I did a Graduate Employment Survey and was posed this question, I had absolutely no idea at all. It's funny how sometimes going through an experience teaches you something other than what you were looking to learn, but is just as useful and valuable.

At this juncture I feel I should mention though, that I have lots of other things to be thankful for, regarding this work attachment at GSK. Perhaps just a little putting-into-perspective needs to be done. (=

The past one week for me has been nothing short of hectic. My last thought before drifting off into a much-needed reposeful sleep last night was that since last Monday, I have gone out every single night of the week bar none. Very unlike me, if you know me well enough. Everything chose to just... happen.. last week. Birthdays, farewells, lunches, dinners, visits from friends, even a memorial service. And alleged terror plots. But it was a good weekend. I have finally put Bentong on the map for my Singaporean friends, nevermind if it ranks lowest in Yuyong's atas-ity survey, lol.

at work?

-may-

5:55

2006-08-09T10:23:00.000+08:00

5:55 am is the time I set my alarm clock to ring at every morning. Not because I actually want to get up at 5:55 but because it takes on average about 5 snoozes for me to actually get up. Each snooze lasts 9 minutes, so by the end of the fifth snooze it's exactly 6:40 am. And I reluctantly (but a little less reluctant than I was 45 minutes ago) drag myself up out of bed.

And yes, Jenny, I SO agree with you that thinking of titles for blogposts can be quite tiresome.

yours groggily,
-may-

Torn

2006-08-01T11:01:00.000+08:00

Between two decisions, two paths, two opinions, two desires.

I've learnt, and am only beginning to accept, that it's not about reconciling the two. Just like a piece of fabric that is torn, you either come away with the piece that is being torn off, or you stay with the main body - the fundamental piece. I suppose, it really is like stripping away that which is unwholesome, unwanted etc, and keeping "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable.. anything [that] is excellent or praiseworthy" (Philippians 4:8). One cannot endeavour to satify both the Spirit-man and the Flesh-man. With every decision you make at that point of being "torn between two", you weaken one and strengthen the other.

There really shouldn't be a halfway, should there? - If I'm going to be torn, let it be all the way.

"How long will you falter between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow Him; but if Baal, then follow him."

1 Kings 18:21

torn all the way,

-may-

Johari Window

2006-07-31T16:19:00.000+08:00

If you have some time to kill, click here and participate in my Johari Window! Thanks! (=

Arena

(known to self and others)

cheerful, dependable, religious, sensible, sentimental, witty

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

accepting, bold, brave, calm, clever, complex, confident, energetic, extroverted, friendly, happy, helpful, idealistic, independent, intelligent, knowledgeable, loving, mature, observant, organised, patient, reflective, responsive, self-assertive, self-conscious, shy, silly, spontaneous, trustworthy, warm, wise

Façade

(known only to self)

Unknown

(known to nobody)

able, adaptable, caring, dignified, giving, ingenious, introverted, kind, logical, modest, nervous, powerful, proud, quiet, relaxed, searching, sympathetic, tense

Dominant Traits

69% of people agree that may_hwei is religious

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (7%) adaptable (0%) bold (7%) brave (7%) calm (7%) caring (0%) cheerful (30%) clever (7%) complex (7%) confident (23%) dependable (15%) dignified (0%) energetic (23%) extroverted (7%) friendly (23%) giving (0%) happy (7%) helpful (7%) idealistic (15%) independent (7%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (15%) introverted (0%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (7%) logical (0%) loving (23%) mature (30%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (15%) organised (7%) patient (7%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (7%) relaxed (0%) religious (69%) responsive (7%) searching (0%) self-assertive (7%) self-conscious (23%) sensible (7%) sentimental (38%) shy (7%) silly (15%) spontaneous (7%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (23%) warm (7%) wise (7%) witty (15%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 3.8.2006, using data from 13 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view may_hwei's full data.

Sigh.

2006-07-31T08:26:00.000+08:00

Perched on the toilet bowl early this morning with my eyes still semi-open, I made a dreadful discovery: I have five more weeks to go at GSK and not four weeks as I had initially calculated. Lesson learnt: Two months does not equal 8 weeks. )=

conned by her own self,
-may-

ghost

2006-07-28T21:38:00.000+08:00

if i dug a hole in the ground and buried my head in it so i wouldnt see you
would you then pretend i wasnt there too?

back-bending heaviness in my head

2006-07-28T13:07:00.000+08:00

oh that i might drift off to sleep on my bed while getting a good back massage, and not have to bother setting my alarm clock to go to work the next morning

deskbound and dreading it,
-may-

20 people

2006-07-18T11:55:00.000+08:00

I know I said I didn't have much to write about but this meme I found on Charlotte's blog was just too irresistible!
______________________

Name 20 people u can think of and then tag 5 more people to do the survey. Do not read the questions before you write.

1. Eric
2. Sook Meng
3. Alan
4. Barathy
5. Justine
6. Jin Rong
7. Ni-Tsia
8. Tzyy Jian
9. Zhon Wei
10. Melissa
11. Nimalen
12. Chuan
13. Guan
14. Thuan (Wesley)
15. Debbie
16. Chi Wei
17. Chris Tock
18. Lydia
19. Lance
20. Chong Ka

** Disclaimer **

I would like to copy Charlotte's disclaimer to say that the list isn't in order of preference or in ANY order at all... I just put down the names as and when they came to mind (and in the order that I was checking my msn list). If your name isn't here, that does not make you any less special to me!!!

1. How did u meet #14 (Wesley)?
IC MSoc Freshers Camp. I thought he was kinda cute and he thought I was 'posh', lol.

2. What would u do if u hadn't met #1 (Eric)?
Er, I think I wouldn't have been born.

3. What would u do if #20 (Chong Ka) and #9 (Zhon) dated?
Laugh my head off.

4. Would #6 (Jin Rong) and #10 (Melissa) make a good couple?
Yeah! Except that instead of one extra mouth we'd have two extra mouths to feed whenever he comes over for dinner. In fact I think we'd have to make him pay subscription to the Kitchen Fund too. Hehe, kidding only ya Jin Rong! d=

5. Describe #3 (Alan)
He sings really well. Cooks decently well. Doesn't remember places and streets and directions well at all. Sleeps like a log. Shops like a girl.

6. Do you think #8 (Tzyy Jian) is attractive?
HAHAHAHA. Okay la. To be fair, yes I think girls his age would find him attractive. d=

7. Tell me something about #7 (Nits))
She, like me, loves all things green! (=

8. Do you know anything about #12 (Chuan)'s family?
He has an uncle who plays golf and taught him how to. (=

9. What is #1's (Eric) favourite thing?
#15! But #15 isn't a 'thing', so I guess probably his camera?

10. What would you do if #11 (Nimalen) confesses that he/she likes you?
I already know he does! Teehee.d=

11. What languages does #15 (Debbie) speak?
English, Malay and Canto.

12. Who is #9 (Zhon) going out with?
No one, I THINK. Haha.

13. How old is #16 (Chi Wei)?
24, and I never grow tired of teasing him about his age! He's the oldest close friend that I have!

14. When was the last time you talked to #13 (Guan)?
Just two nights ago on MSN.

15. Who is #2 (Sook Meng)'s favourite singer?
I don't think she has one...

16. Would you date #4 (Barathy)?
Date my mother? Are you kidding? Lol!

17. Would you date #6 (Jin Rong)?
*cough*

18. Is #15 (Debbie) single?
NO! Go away!

19. What is #17 (Chris Tock)'s last name?
Tock. Hahaha!

20. Would you consider being in a relationship with #19 (Lance)?
No! Hahahhahaa sorry Lance, but the truth does hurt sometimes.... d= But you're still my "beloved housemate".. Hahaha!

21. What schools did #17 (Chris Tock) go to?
KTJ. Don't know about the rest.

23. What is your favourite thing about #5 (Justine)?
She's one of the warmest, kindest people I know!

24. What do you think about #13 (Guan)?
He says the funniest random things and makes me laugh all the time (=

25. What do #4 (Barathy) and #18 (Lydia) have in common?
They are both very outspoken, confident and bound to become really successful women in the future (=

26. What special qualities does #5 (Justine) hold in your life?
Awww.... she will always be my favourite grandmomma and one of the special people who made my days in Taylors such a memorable time.... (=

I tag everybody who wants to do this meme!

Nothing much to say but

2006-07-18T11:24:00.000+08:00

I thought it'd only be good courtesy to leave a (long overdue) post just to say that I am back in Malaysia, safe and sound and ever so glad to be home... (= And the reason for my apparent disappearance from the blog-o-sphere is because I am now doing an 8-week attachment at GlaxoSmithKline in KL, and I don't go online at my aunt's place in Ampang where I am tumpang-ing. Oh, another quick update: I finally did my eyes and am now seeing with near-perfect 20-20 vision through my naked eyes! I thank God for a safe surgery and no post-op complications, thanks also to everyone who prayed for me. (=

Yours truly, in her sunnies,
-may-

Italy in pictures

2006-06-27T04:45:00.000+08:00

Click twice to enlarge! (=

Venice, Murano, Burano

Rome, Vatican City

Capri, Pompei, Sorrento

Foursome

2006-06-25T06:15:00.000+08:00

Yuen Ai tagged me!

4 movies I can watch over and over again
1) Forrest Gump
2) Serendipity
3) Crash
4) Kill Bill Volume 1
N/B - This list isn't anywhere near exhaustive!

4 places I have lived
1) Bentong
2) Subang Jaya
3) Singapore
4) London

4 of my fav. dishes
1) Pork noodles with lots of pork mince!
2) Thai anything!
3) Italian anything except gnocchi
4) Four Seasons' duck rice

4 sites I visit daily
1) gmail.com
2) outlook.ic.ac.uk
3) Facebook, haha
4) my blog!

4 places I'd rather be right now
1) Home
2) Home
3) Home
4) Home

4 blogheads I'd tag
1) Jenny
2) Debbie
3) Charlotte
4) Chris Tock

Be still and know that He is God

2006-06-14T01:31:00.000+08:00

In Your presence I finally find peace and comfort. The peace and comfort I so often seek to obtain from worthless things. In Your presence I remember how to become like a child again, who knows nothing yet trusts in the arms of the one who holds him. Am I not always covered by Your wings of protection and love?

And whether I remember it or not, You are always with me.

"Where can I go from Your spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, You are there;
If I make my bed in the depths, You are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there Your right hand guides me, Your right hand will hold me fast."
Psalm 139: 7-12

Don't know what I'd do without You, Lord.

Spring can really hang you up the most

2006-06-10T19:25:00.000+08:00

Heard this song by Jane Monheit on Pandora today. And it occurred to me how in some ways this song would have been so appropriate to my own little love affair last year which lasted but til the end of Spring, heh. d=

Once I was a sentimental thing
threw my heart away each spring
Now a spring romance
hasn't got a chance
Promised my first dance to winter
All I've got to show is a splinter
for my little fling.

Spring this year has got me feeling
like a horse that never left the post
I lie in my room
staring up at the ceiling
Spring can really hang you up the most.

Morning's kiss wakes trees and flowers
and to them I'd like to drink a toast
But I walk in the park
just to kill the lonely hours
Spring can really hang you up the most.

All afternoon the birds twitter-twitt
I know the tune. This is love, this is it
Heard it before
and I don't know the score
And I've decided that spring is a bore.

Love seems sure around the new year
Now it's April - love is just a ghost
Spring arrived on time
only what became of you, dear?
Spring can really hang you up the most.
Spring can really hang you up the most.

Love came my way, I thought it would last
We had our day, now it's all in the past
Spring came along, a season of song
Full of sweet promise
but something went wrong.

Doctors once prescribed a tonic
Sulfur and molasses was the dose
Didn't help one bit
My condition must be chronic
Spring can really hang you up the most.

All alone, the party is over
Old man winter was a gracious host
But when you keep praying
for snow to hide the clover
Spring can really hang you up the most.

They just don't write lyrics like this anymore these days. I've always wondered how people write such REAL lyrics and still be able to make them RHYME. For me, it's always either one or the other. Or neither. Lol.

P/S= Not to be taken too seriously, this post. (=

Jom!

2006-06-05T20:04:00.000+08:00

Click here!: Sunset and seafood at Bagan Lalang

I'm looking for company and transport to go there, any weekend in July or August, or anytime in September. Anyone up for a good makan? (= I'll make good company in the car, I promise, and I won't sleep while you drive! Hehe.

Hold my breath

2006-06-02T20:38:00.000+08:00

You know the feeling of desperately trying to hold your breath for as long as you can, as if to freeze a moment in time?

Breathe in, breathe out. The seconds hand ticks away atrociously and it doesn't wait. In a perfectly quiet room the ticking of the clock torments you; it becomes louder and louder until it transmogrifies from a mere sound into an invisible yet tangible hand that grabs you by the collar and shakes you furiously, never ever letting go. Breathe in, breathe out. The earth continues its stubborn revolution, it doesn't wait for you either. Every step you take, takes you further away from where you were.

With every contraction of your lungs to expel air, the strokes that write in the sand on the seashore of the story of your life are being formed. Can you possibly afford the time to take a few steps back? To stand back and look upon the big but unfinished picture laid out in the sand? You have to keep writing; everyone keeps writing. For who knows when the tide will come and wash it all away..

And so you hold your breath. If anything, the stillness shall shut out the sounds. Your eyes are yours to close. And for a moment - just for one short moment - time will stand still.

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the End
Beginning and the End.

My times are in Your hands.

A maths paper like never before..

2006-05-31T17:56:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I sat for the last math paper of my entire life. Little did I know it would also turn out to be the worst math paper of my entire life. )= By the end of the paper, I knew my hopes for a first class in my second year were reduced to ashes, and that's not me being pessimistic - it's me being realistic. Maths carries the bulk of the examination marks - almost a quarter of the whole examination with five other papers. And I was banking on Maths to pull up my overall percentage so that I might just scrape by with a borderline first class overall. But no. )= If anything, at least the blow was softened by the fact that everyone else thought it was the killer too, (misery loves company? No lah... I'm not that selfish) meaning it wasn't just me not performing up to standards, and that the paper WAS indeed a killer. Unless a miracle happens and they scale the marks soooo significantly that I somehow manage to get well above 60% for this math paper, I can kiss my hopes of a first-class goodbye...

In all this, I have but one consolation: I know I did my best, and I'm not regretting or blaming myself for not working hard enough. Because I did. I think I would have been less upset if it wasn't because I was looking to Maths to help me redeem the first-class that I missed last year. But really, all I can do now is to continue working harder for the remaining papers, and pray for a miracle to happen.

Or maybe I shouldn't place so much importance on getting a first class, some of you might be thinking. Not if you knew how I underperformed last year and how much I want to 'redeem' myself by getting that first class this year, not just for myself but to be really honest, for my parents too... although they aren't really putting pressure on me in that way. And almost everyone (i.e. the Malaysians in my course) got a first class last year... Only last night did I find out that some people think anything below 65% is considered 'bad for Malaysian standards'. Harsh, but true.

And to think just last Sunday at church the international evangelist William 'Gypsy' Lee preached an entire sermon on miracles, and said something which hit home rightaway: "it is one thing to believe in miracles, and another thing altogether to expect miracles".

Am I to expect a miracle? How? And why? Why do I even deserve a miracle? Deep in my heart I know I believe God is a miracle-maker, but dare I also say that I believe with all my heart that I have a share in all these miracles? Just like how you don't expect extraordinarily bad things to happen to you - for example being zapped by lightning and dying on the spot - you also don't expect extraordinarily good things to happen to you. Or maybe that's just me.... Are miracles for me?

Protest math

2006-05-30T02:57:00.000+08:00

Courtesy of Marc and Yuyong. They say our Maths lecturer Professor Jacobs looks like a garden gnome. Hmmmm. And they even made me and Tzyy Jian put this photo as our MSN display picture, to campaign against math! "For a math-free world", they say. Lol. Anyhoo! The first of my five papers which is Math, starts tomorrow. All the best to me! (=

Roots

2006-05-28T21:33:00.000+08:00

Sigh. Am I being a little cruel - not understanding enough, perhaps? - to feel angry at my little sis for feeling so dissatisfied about school and her life in Bentong? Here I am missing home and Bentong and Malaysia so much, wishing that if I thought about it hard enough I might somehow be teleported back home and leave all these exams, cares and anxieties behind. And there she is telling me "I rather be in London". "What am I to do during holidays in a small town like this?". "Maybe Bentong was a little better during your time". I cannot help but feel betrayed. I love Bentong, no matter how much I myself playfully diss it about being backward and ulu and un-happening. I'll never forget where I came from, even if I never live in Bentong ever again for whatever reason; never ever forget my roots as a smalltown girl/country bumpkin. I know that my sister might just be going through the growing-up pains, being the 14 year old girl that she is, and being flooded by the MTV culture left right front and behind. And I definitely don't deny that the pressure was perhaps to a lesser degree during my time as a schoolgirl. Maybe I'm just being overly sentimental. I don't know.

If you've never seen or heard me defend my hometown Bentong with the ferocity of a tabby cat protecting her kittens, try me right now. There could not be a better time.

Three One-things

2006-05-28T04:56:00.000+08:00

Debbie tagged me! (And yes, madam, I have finished doing all my Maths past year papers, madam!)

1) What is the one thing that you dream of doing with Jesus Christ if you had all the time in the world and there was no one else in the world but Him and you?

I imagine at first I will not be able to do anything but bow down in adoration and worship, I'd just be completely speechless and in awe! But once I get more used to being in His wonderful presence - we'd talk and talk and talk. And laugh together, even discuss worldly things like music, food and hobbies. He would tell me all the things I didn't even know about myself. I would definitely want to hear His own account of the Passion, although I know it would make me cringe and even make me cry. (Hmmm, and the Bible says there will be no tears in heaven...) But whatever it is, I reckon we'd have a jolly good time together! (=

2) What is the one thing you would do if you could be where your best friend (or super close friend, no need to provide names) is right now.

I think I'd like to be at the beach with her, just minutes before a sunset. And we'd sit leaning back to back, maybe share a box of Krispy Kremes. And depending on the mood, we'd either just sit in one another's presence in silence while enjoying the sunset, or we'd be yakking our heads off like that evening two years ago in an abandoned playground in Ipoh, talking about the future we'd go through together, the future we wouldn't go through together... oh no, this is beginning to sound depressing! Lol.

Other than that, I would love to be at a sumptious eat-all-you-can Thai buffet with her. We'd sit for hours and stuff ourselves silly, and in between buffet rounds we'd be gedik, tease one another and laugh at one another. If we felt like being noisy and silly (and even more unashamedly gedik), we'd go to Redbox!

Or, we'd be in Bentong, and we'd go everywhere together and people would ask if she's my long-lost twin sister.

3) What is the one thing you would start doing if you had a pay / allowance rise?

Er, go for the aforementioned Thai buffet with afore-unmentioned best friend (but maybe I shouldn't publish this here, later the greedy girl come to me demanding her buffet....)? Haha. But I suppose you meant things I'd do on a regular basis if I had an allowance rise, right Debbie? In that case, I'd buy more original CDs. Save more money every month so I won't need my parents to send so much. Not feel so bad about choosing to take the tube over the bus.

N/B: At this point, the author realises that the title of the tag is "Three ONE-things" and not "Three many-things" - oooops. d=

P/S: And oh dear, I'm so bad at answering questions! The second question was what would I like to do if I could be where my best friend is right now... not where would I like to be with my best friend if I could be with her right now! Big difference. Lol!

[Edit] Forgot to tag three other people, eheh! I pass the tag to Sook Meng, Jenny and Grace (=

On the other side of the wall

2006-05-21T00:38:00.000+08:00

Someone living in Pointwest Apartments behind Cromwell House has just, presumably, turned one year old today. At first it was a solitary silver balloon bobbing up and down behind the brick wall that blocks out my view of the owner of the balloon. Owner Of The Single Silver Balloon takes big sprightly steps - now you see the balloon, now you don't. After that it was an entire bouquet of silver and baby blue balloons sailing away blithely. And last of all, almost an hour later, Silver Number 1 comes along, lingers, moves away indecisively, lingers, moves away... I imagine the birthday boy or girl must have his/her hands full with all the presents. The shape and the movement of the 1 reminds me of a seahorse floating in the ocean (is that what they do? Float?). It's almost like watching a puppet show from behind these walls.

Happy birthday dear stranger (=

I think it's going to rain today

2006-05-20T16:34:00.000+08:00

1. It's been raining intermittently throughout the day for the past week, not to mention it's a lot gloomier and colder than the preceding week too. )=

2. I am now on a 7-day free trial for Napster which I am going to cancel by the end of the 7 days, not because I'm cheapo and simply wanted to enjoy the free music for one week, but because I discovered that you don't get to keep your music once you cancel membership. And the basic subscription is 9.95 quid a month. I would have seriously considered going for it if not because they won't let me keep the music I download after I decide to stop subscribing.

3. I think I've thus far downloaded like 30 Marvin Gaye songs, 30 Stevie Wonders, 30 Tori Amoses, 20 John Mayers, 20 Rosie Thomases, 20 Katie Meluas, more than a handful of George Bensons, Herbie Hancocks, John Coltranes, Michael Breckers, Diana Kralls, Frank Sinatras, Tony Bennetts, Nina Simones, Oleta Adamses, Sarah McLachlans, Luther Vandrosses, Johnny Hartmans... and two things I've discovered about some of the music I've always liked: 1. In more than a few of Marvin Gaye's songs, there are sounds of people moaning and sighing apparently from a hot love-making (I've always disliked the term "make love" - as if love can be 'made' from lustful desires and pleasurable intimacy) session, and it absolutely grosses me out. (What was that all about huh, Mister Marvin Gaye??) I don't know if he has separate versions of those songs without those 'background noises' though, cos I've never noticed them before this. But seriously, it's super yucky la... it's almost like audio porn or something, if there ever was such a thing... Why do people like to spoil such good music like that?? But anyway, discovery number 2: I don't like Katie Melua after all. Don't like her style.

4. I bought another tub of Ben&Jerry's Dublin Mudslide yesterday... non-promotional *sheepish*.

5. I am eyeing Stevie Wonder's box set "At The Close of a Century" (4CD compilation) which is selling for 26 quid on eBay.co.uk, brand new. I really really really really want it - it has practically every single Stevie Wonder fave of mine with the exception of "I Can Only Be Me", and it comes with a little biographical booklet thingy - it's simply the PERFECT collector's item! I want I want I want! I've asked Eric to check the prices in Malaysia for me *cough* but he hasn't gotten back to me yet....

6. For the past one week or so I've actually been eating healthy, complete, balanced meals at home despite the fact that the five of us don't cook together anymore due to the exam season. People, you can NOT live on pesto and bolognese and Indomie, even if you like them, trust me on that. So, I've cooked chicken rice, roasted chicken, boiled spinach soup, fried 'chow mein', and plus, Melissa made tomyam soup yesterday too. Not exactly the ideal five-servings-of-fruit-and-veg a day but I'm sure Mommy would be pleased to hear anyway. Lol. Might wanna boil ABC soup one of these days too. (=

7. Oh! Oh! And how could I forget!! We've signed the contract for our flat next year - whoooppee! It's at this quiet (well, relative to the ever-bustling Cromwell Road) little road just parallel to Cromwell Road, called Emperor's Gate. Charlotte's place last year. We've got the nicest and cosiest little kitchen, with a dining table that comes with long benches on both sides - so nice! Only disadvantage - and it's only a slight disadvantage which I don't mind living with - is that I'll be sharing a bunk bed again. Oh, and it seems Alan is doomed to live in the basement for his entire university life or something.... hahaha. d=

Okaylah.. that's all for now, folks. Back to my books!

Retrospect

2006-05-14T23:26:00.000+08:00

Looking back, I don't know what all that emotional brouhaha was for. A little uncalled for, don't you think? Yet I know everything happens for a reason, and nothing is in itself a 'waste'. But for now and most likely for a long time to come, I just want to focus on the real deal: Me and my Maker. And I am more than content. (=

It's not about self-discovery. It's about God-discovery.

Mid-May syndrome

2006-05-13T16:53:00.000+08:00

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go

Home. Papa, Mommy, Hau-kor and Ning. Lazy evenings spent at Wai Gong's watching Wah Lai Toi. Wai Po's deep fried pork fats cooked especially for her pork-starved granddaughter. My Petrof piano. The cold marble floor that's so inviting to step onto after coming in from the sweltering midday heat. Dragging myself out of bed on Saturday mornings to eat pork noodles at the Chinese Town Hall with Mommy. Hot chu cheong fun tapau-ed home lovingly by Papa. Going to DUMC with Hau-kor and the chats we have on the way there. Ning's more-than-occassional thoughtful little treats of fried potato sticks she buys from school just for me. The KL skyline by night. Cruising down the KL-Ampang elevated highway listening to Light&Easy. Natalie and Ashley. Driving out to Kampung Baharu with mommy just to buy some Malay kuih for teatime. Khai Ma's weekly drop-by's to chat while waiting to pick Jane, Amelia or Eugene up from tuition. That delicious feeling of relief you get when you step into an air-conditioned shop after being out in the hot sun. Browsing to my heart's content at MPH and Kinokuniya. Brunch at OUG with Ah Yee's family. Lazing around at Ah Yee's place in Seri Petaling reading Tracy's inexhaustible supply of Seventeen mag, lol. Discussing the latest fashion fads with Ah Yee and Tracy. Garlic cheese naan at Steven's Corner with a hot cup of teh tarik. Curling up on my favourite couch with a good book while listening to Light&Easy on the almost-vintage family radio. Falling asleep on the couch with the dim lights on. Tinkling on the piano whenever I feel like it. Afternoon naps that last 3 hours. Watching MTV alone at midnight while the whole family is fast asleep. Shopping. Bintang Walk in all its glamour and trendiness. Admiring the swanky hotels on the way there. Tom yam at the Thai lady's shop in Perting village. Solemn Sunday services at CMC Bentong that turn into a lively family reunion by the end of service. Agape feast every first Sunday of the month. Feeling like I belong in church. Being pampered and treated like a princess (for the first few weeks at least). Not wishing I was somewhere else.

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmm, I've got to go home..

All other ground is sinking sand

2006-05-10T16:32:00.000+08:00

So this is what the Sovereign Lord says:
"See, I lay a stone in Zion,
a tested stone,
a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation;
the one who trusts will never be dismayed.
-Isaiah 28:16

Lord Jesus, I thank you that you are my rock and my firm foundation. I thank you for giving me faith to believe every word that comes from the inspiration of your Holy Spirit as recorded in these scriptures; and in your promise that the one who trusts in you will never be dismayed. Let me build solely upon you as my foundation in everything that I do - my studies, my future career, family life, relationships. I know that a building is only as strong as its foundation. Let there be no flimsy foundation such as wealth, security, success and dreams, upon which I build my life. Lord God, so wonderful are your promises to me, all praise to you for I know whom I have believed in- and He is Truth!

Amen.

Won't let nothin' break ma' stride! (=

2006-05-03T21:29:00.001+08:00

Just because the dreaded Mastery exam is tomorrow, doesn't mean there aren't things to be happy and thankful for today!

1. Ben&Jerry's Dublin Mudslide ice cream. Fickle-minded me spent a good 20 minutes at Sainsbury's yesterday after classes just trying to choose between the ice cream, Sara Lee double chocolate gateau, Starbucks' Banana and Caramel Frappucino and Starbucks' Chocolate Decadence Cake. Glad I finally decided to go for the ice cream. "Our Dublin Mudslide recipe combines dreamy Irish Cream liqueur, chocolate cookies and swirls of coffee fudge in ways that are just a wee bit wicked as well as entirely delightful." Drooling already? Hehe.

2. A nice, long and reassuring email from Eric (= Will keep your interview in my prayers!

3. A long-awaited short and sweet email from Irenna from GSK - I'm glad I didn't stop giving her the benefit of the doubt! (=

4. Another karaoke session to look forward to on Friday! Lol.

But for now it's back to my notes again. Prayer for my Mastery exam will be much appreciated (=

Emptied

2006-05-02T03:41:00.000+08:00

Today I freed my laptop hard drive of about 20 gigabytes of space.

Amazing how I'd closed an eye for so long.
_____________________________________

Today Guan asked me oh-so-cutely: "Do you feel any different in May?", and I just had to laugh.
_____________________________________

Today also, the two boh-liao/wu-liao/mou-liu Singaporeans who live upstairs - Marc and Joy - dropped by my place while I was in the toilet. They hid in the kitchen area waiting for me to come out and when I did, pounced on me shouting "Mayday! Mayday!", and then proceeded to dance around a very stunned me (the Maypole, so they said) like kindergarten kids high on bananas or something. Lol. Seriously... only Marc and Joy are capable of doing these things. (=

In the meantime

2006-04-29T16:53:00.000+08:00

Dolly Parton once said, if you want to see rainbows, you gotta put up with a little bit of rain. How very true, for what is victory if it is not first seasoned by conquered obstacles. A victory that comes easy is almost no victory at all.

It's not everyday that you see with crystal clearness the purpose of it all, it's not everyday that you feel motivated and even able. But everyday He is our very present help. Everyday His love and mercies never fail. Everyday He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Everyday He is Jehovah Jireh who provides.

Life is like a weather forecast. Light showers, partially cloudy. Sun along with patchy clouds. Mostly cloudy. Showers early becoming a steady light rain later in the day. Scattered thunderstorms. Sunny.

So even if you foresee unpleasant weather ahead, keep pushing on. You gotta go through it to get past it. And in the meantime, keep praisin' God, keep praisin' God.

God is bigger than the air I breathe
The world we'll leave
God will save the day and all will say
"My glorious!"
-Martin Smith and Stu G of Delirious?

Economics for dummies

2006-04-28T06:00:00.000+08:00

Question:
If you're married to one person, that's called monogamy; to two persons, bigamy; to many persons, polygamy. Now drawing a parallel to economics- if one firm dominates a particular industry, you call that a monopoly; similarly if two firms dominate, that's a duopoly. If there are many firms in an industry so that no particular firm/firms dominate, this market condition is called (____poly). <== fill in the blanks. Ha! I BET 'polypoly' was on the tip of your tongue but you realised soon enough how stupid that sounded, and stopped yourself juuuuuust in time right??

The correct answer is oligopoly, by the way. (=

[Edit] An oligopoly is a market condition where a few firms dominate. The last one I described above was a perfectly competitive market... To self: Sheesh, May! How to sit for econs exam like this??

Good night

2006-04-26T06:40:00.000+08:00

There's nothing in the world like the feeling of knowing one can deservingly go to sleep after a long day of work. It's the inviting warmth that lies between my sheets and my duvet, that final relieving shift of weight from feet to bed, my soft-toy dog Capuccino's perfectly-rounded black eyes beckoning at me, the curvature of my spine settling snugly into the contours that have formed on my bed over time, that somewhere-over-the-rainbow which begins right on my pillow.... *happy sigh* (= Though one may have to rise early again the next morning, though yet another work-packed day awaits; whatever burdens and whatever cares... when bedtime comes, the whole world is put right again.

Thank you, Lord, for my bed and my duvet and the roof above my head (even if it leaks rust water from Flat 2)!

To the rest of you - "good night; and in case I don't see you again soon - good morning, good afternoon and good evening." (=

Cars - means of transportation, or luxury items???

2006-04-18T18:13:00.000+08:00

Give this video clip a watch, especially if you are Malaysian and even more so if you own a Kelisa. The following text is an email reply I wrote on the spur of the moment after receiving this clip from a friend. (hence the lack of punctuation, sorry!)

"lol. i have to say, i found these clips more offending and senseless than they were funny... (strange, i never thought i was so 'patriotic'.. hahaha) the dude obviously has something against cars that are made without 'spirit' or 'passion', as if they were made by a corporation wanting to make money, and not one PERSON who wanted to make a great car... but by saying that he's ignoring a huge category of people who own a car as a means of transport, as something necessary, instead of a luxury item or a hobby... if everyone could afford to own a merc or a ferrari then well, yeah, maaaybe what he said was justified.. but the fact is not everyone can, in fact most people can't!! who is he to judge perodua for making cars that are more accessible and more affordable to a greater market of consumers??? even if perodua's intention was to make money, but hey... perodua makes money, less affordable folks can own cars - fair and square if u ask me!!

and besides, that blatant annihilation of a brand new car (though it may just be a humble malaysian-made kelisa) to prove his point was simply uncalled for, if u ask me"

What do you guys think? Was that a fair criticism at all?

Nightfall

2006-04-18T04:58:00.000+08:00

As I sit here alone in my room with my dim green lamp as the only source of light, and as I note the outdoor temperature reading of 13.2 degrees Celcius on my Weather Station, I am for a moment stunned by how (seemingly) quickly winter has come and gone. Last year saw me waiting and waiting and waiting for signs of Spring to turn up, for what seemed like an eternity. Now, it's as if I have opened my door to find Spring standing right there in my face... and I barely noticed it had even arrived at all. Soft pink cherry blossoms in full bloom on the trees opposite Royal Albert Hall (yes, Ian, you were right indeed (= ), the light April showers, beds of the loveliest white tulips near St Paul's Cathedral, the heat of the midday sun awakening that familiar-yet-forgotten sensation of warmth on my face. Spring - the welcomed but unexpected visitor... How very quickly time has flown by!

The changing of seasons reminds me of how there is always a chance to begin afresh. Close a chapter, start a chapter, no matter how many cycles it may take. It's a little eerie that at this very point Stevie Wonder sings on my winamp, "Today's not yesterday, and all things have an ending.."

What's my favourite season of the year? None of the four, but the very changing of seasons itself. (=

2006-04-16T05:26:00.000+08:00

It's true. Nobody gave me the right to decide on your part.
But in the bigger scheme of things, this is how it's gotta be. And we're gonna be alright. All alright.

Go to sleep. Wake up, and realise that a fairy tale's not meant to be lived in.

Why

2006-04-14T01:38:00.000+08:00

performed by Nicole Nordeman

Full lyrics to the song

"See from His head, His hands, His feet,
sorrow and love flow mingled down.
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet,
or thorns compose so rich a crown?"
- Isaac Watts

Scaramouche! Scaramouche!

2006-04-12T17:11:00.000+08:00

Will you do the fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening me!
Galileo, galileo! Galileo, galileo!

Hahahaha... Just a short post to say I had a whale of a time at my first karaoke session in London yesterday (about time too...) with Chuan, Zhon Wei, Guan, Emily and Daniel. The songs I enjoyed the most were the ones we (or should I say, Chuan and Guan d=) sang most badly, i.e. the above Bohemian Rhapsody, Meatloaf's I'd Do Anything For Love and When You Believe. Yes indeed, and with the most amazing ad libbing and improvisation by our three in-house trying-too-hard male divas - stomach-ripping-ly hilarious, I tell you. Let's do it again, guys! (=

Deleted scene from ITMFL

2006-04-11T22:00:00.000+08:00

Following-up from my earlier post, here's an original scene that was subsequently deleted, it sorta gives it a proper (if not happy) ending and answers some questions, but I think the film is just as lovely without this scene. Leaves more to your imagination. (=

Project Teach May Violin

2006-04-11T20:18:00.000+08:00

Okay, here's the problem. I really want to learn how to play the violin, but being the cheapo that I am (okay la I'm not exactly a cheapo but considering I am not earning yet and don't want to use my parents' money, my budget is very limited) I want to save on lesson fees and learn it myself from teach-yourself-violin/violin-for-dummies kind of books. Question for any violinists who may be reading this: Feasible, or not? And what level of skill can a person who can read music reach just learning from these books alone? I've been surfing the net and Amazon for such books and all of them get mixed reviews from users, I don't know who to listen to! Makes me slightly doubtful about whether or not such books actually teach me how to play the violin properly at the end of the day... Also, what's the minimum price I have to pay for a decent-enough-bordering-on-cheap violin?

Scotland

2006-04-10T19:09:00.000+08:00

The places

The people